Unicorns Spotted!

Kids, hot off the presses, I sit here listening to Nick Diamonds' and J'aime Tambour's new project Islands. As most of you know, Montreal's spazz-pop trio The Unicorns split not long ago with Alden Ginger continuing on as Th' Corn Gangg. Now we find Diamonds and Tambour pushing more of that bizarre pop like a pink sparkle tuxedo-clad dealer.

Reported by the fabulous blog, The Simple Mission:

I know you've been wondering. Where is Nick Diamonds? Where is J'aime? Montreal? LA? NYC? Since winning the hearts of the masses as two/thirds of the French Canadian band the Unicorns, the pair have been busy traveling around this country and theirs working on various musical projects— including a brand new fantastique pop group called Islands. Diamonds describes his group's new music as "F-14 tomcat blah, blah," which is really French-Canadian slang for fiery, shiny and shimmering madcap pop.

The powers that be on The Simple Mission have provided mp3s of Islands' hits "Flesh" and "Abominable Snow". So hit that up, cousin.

And while you're at it check out the Alien 8 website for the fantastic "Jellybones" video. That is if you haven't already seen it like 20 times.

"Jellybones" Video: http://www.alien8recordings.com/jellybones.php3
The Simple Mission: http://simplemission.typepad.com/

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Sigh... Another Arcade Fire Video To Gab About

People, it's been a good two months since I last tuned into MTV2's Subterranean, the show that is a very poor substitute for 120 Minutes, especially since it's half as long. Tonight I managed to pry myself from Glen Quagmire's "Giggidy Giggidy" to watch the first few videos.

To my surprise, I was not even remotely disappointed. They kicked off the set with the new Arcade Fire video for "Neighborhood #3 (Power Out)", a slick animated number, noir to the max, featuring hooded mischief-makers bringing down the lights, and ultimately "The Man". It was followed by the boring in comparison video of "Abel" by The National, a mediocre psuedo-anthem, surrounded by fabulous songs on their breakthrough album Alligator. And excuse me if I sound like a backpage gossip column street, but ITEM! Word on the street is that when the boys in The National go back on tour they'll be towing along new pitchfork-hype darlings Clap Your Hands Say Yeah. In any case, seeing the "Abel" video is about ten billion times better than seeing another Kasabian video.

Commerical time... back to Chris Griffin talking to his zit come to life. Fortunately, I switched right back in time to start on the Paul Franked-out Yellow Submarine homage from my pysch-pop turned electro-disco favorites of Montreal. Their new video for "Wraith Pinned to the Mist and Other Games" is disgustingly cute and horrifically endearing. Next came the Floria Sigismondi-directed Whites Stripes video for "Blue Orchid". Again, it could be a Kasabian video (let me mention that with this second reference, seeing a Kasabian video is infintely better than seeing a Piebald video, oops... they played one of those too).

Then boom, no joke, a Kasabian video. And I'm watching American Dad. (okay, I turned back during a commerical to watch the always pleasing M.I.A. "Galang" video).

In any case, here's are some links to the videos I just rattled off. If they happen to not work, just remember, cyberspace is a vast and bustling place, it wouldn't kill you to find it your damn self.

The Arcade Fire - "Neighborhood #3"
The National - "Abel"
of Montreal - "Wraith Pinned to the Mist and Other Games"
The White Stripes - "Blue Orchid"
M.I.A. - "Galang"

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Born To Just Be

Maximo Park
A Certain Trigger (Warp)

For the past month or so, I've been listening to the newest post-punk pre-poster band, Maximo Park (forgive the lack of umlauts, I don't know how to work such things in the "blogisphere"). Their debut album A Certain Trigger is very enjoyable, and that's pretty much all I have to say.

You see, like every catchy, hooky, dancy record that frosts my cake, A Certain Trigger dropped out of the rotation after a couple of weeks, destined to sit next to the half finished plastic jar of red vines and what's left of fizzed-out lukewarm 2-liter bottle of Tahitian Treat soda pop. Sometimes an overload on the sweetness is just too much to stomach.

Why did I listen to the album so much? Well, clearly it's appealing to me. Here we have a band heavily compared to Bloc Party, but in my eyes follows more in the path of The Futureheads (who might I add played a their best SF show to date last weekend and continue to wow me even if their light show can induce the the most epileptic of seizures, which might be confused with robotic post-punk dancing, I suppose). Despite a simliarity (with thick English brogue) in voices between Paul Smith and Futurehead Barry Hyde, Maximo Park don't own the harmonies Sunderland's finest do, but bands seldom do. But with robotic rhythms over hooky guitar lines, the Newcastle quintet do just fine. Single "Apply Some Pressure" is a charmismatic punky-synthy track while other single "The Coast is Always Changing" is a Cure-like, new wave pop song. See, they already have multiple singles.

And of course, every good post-punk has influences, many the same. I bet I can get the boys from 'Da Park (I think that's what the kids are probably calling them) to name their desert island discs faster than a Matt Tong hi-hat assault. Shit, I could probably guess them. "Graffiti", featuring an insanely catchy chorus that is way too short, references The Clash ("Lost in the Supermarket" specifically) while using the word "blatant" would not begin to describe the instrumental breakdown in "Once, A Glimpse" (borrowing from Joy Division's "Love Will Tear Us Apart", not even Paul Banks has that little shame). Though all is forgetten will the near perfect "Now I'm All Over the Shop". Though not entirely original at all, this is upbeat pop music at its finest.

Even with a good two handfuls of gems, this album is just there. Nothing more. It just exists to be a continuation of the soon to be faded post-punk rebirth. Though it'll probably not be monumental enough to hold up with the Franzies, Blockies or Futurehead... ies, it serves has a pretty decent album. It's got shortcomings and brilliant moments to match. It's the regular joe of post punk bands, I don't hate it, I don't love it, but I think I kinda like it. In fact, this is not really much of an album review as it's a declaration: "Here it is! It's the Maximo Park record, A Certain Trigger! It's... an album!"" I listented the album to its quick death because I was waiting to review it. So the real question arises: why did it take me so long to review A Certain Trigger? I'd like to say it was that I like expend all my energy entering an album and becoming one with it, no matter what vibe it sends, but really it's much more simple and honest if I say it was laziness.

Maximo Park plays Popscene @ 333 Ritch St. on 6/30/05 to the joy of college students and record nerds alike.

Maximo Park: http://www.maximopark.co.uk

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I'm Too Sexy For Your Fragile Indie Rock Mind: Song of the Day

Song of the Day: The National "All the Wine" from Alligator (Beggars Banquet)



Some voices were made to charm. Take Sam Cooke, for example. It baffles my mind that Sam Cooke isn't currently the king of the world, besides the fact that he is dead. His voice can be so convincing, so persuasive. Any woman, and most men would/should succumb to his every syllable and when a man has that power of voice, he should harness that power and use it, goddammit. Now, I would not like to imply that The National's Matt Berninger is in the same league as Sam Cooke, or even an indie crooner like Britt Daniel, but his baritone is strangely affecting, and admittedly, incredibly suave.

When I received a copy of their Beggar's Banquet debut Alligator from a new friend, instantly track #2 hit me lyrically, an amazing marriage of voice and words, so fitting and so bold early in the album. That track was "All the Wine". Now just recently, I've discovered that "All the Wine" is actually track #9 because Katie, said new friend jumbled the track listing (which has piqued my interest in hearing what the actual order plays out as) but that should mean nothing. "All the Wine" is not the best track on Alligator, but it is the perhaps the most memorable and definitely the most serviceable to Berninger's saucy deadpan voice.

Berninger owns a baritone that is somewhat silkly but left rugged to keep indie standards. He slyly glides from word to word over delicate guitar picking and immense rock atmosphere. The composition of "All the Wine" is simple verse-chorus rock arithmatic, really nothing mind-blowing. But when Berninger mutters over dark and understated instrumentation (for added cool points), "I'm put together beautifully/Big wet bottle in my fist/Big wet rose in my teeth/I'm perfect piece of ass/Like every Californian/So tall I take over the street, with highbeams shining on my back/A wingspan unbelievable/I'm a festival, I'm a parade", we can recognize the legitimacy. This cockiness makes the song undeniably self-confident and as we all know, chicks dig confidence.


The key to being suave is smoking Gauloises brand ciggys.

Berninger's confidence is one that is untouchable, and he makes it sound that you should be nothing short of Angelina Jolie if you want a slice of this talk drink of water. But it is unclear to me whether Berninger is singing about himself. It is likely that he is not, which would ruin the song for me, as the rest of Alligator deals typical emotional issues, heartbreak, insecurities, yadda... I like take comfort that there are characters who talk the talk and walk the walk. Clearly, Berninger is not famous but he sure talks like he is. And though I don't need to run into these types on the street everyday, I like to imagine that these are the men that run the world, men like Sam Cooke.

The National: http://www.americanmary.com

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Everything Reminds Me of You

The Boy Least Likely To
The Best Party Ever (Too Young To Die)

Can this weblog get anymore tired? Every other week I come ranting and raving about a band that sounds like Belle and Sebastian with the other weeks consisting of a fan boy update on Stuart Murdoch's goings on. How long ago was I talking about Jens Lekman being Stephen Merritt fronting B&S. When did Push Barman To Open Old Wounds come out? Though I wish for nothing more than to break this endless chain, this week is no different. But the immense amount of reluctance should help measure the amount of joy it brings me to present to you the next in line of unfair (but accurate) B&S comparison: The Boy Least Likely To.

Now any band from the UK who wields a recorder or a melodica can be pushed into the indie pop category led by Scotland's pride and joy, and The Boy Least Likely To's The Best Party Ever maximizes the same instruments that makes any sorta normal pop into twee pop. Singer Jof provides airy vocals similar to Murdoch and Jeff Tweedy at points, while bandmate Pete helps out churning solid melodies in delicate and sweet methods. And the duo draws from the same influences that their fellow contemporaries draw from.

In order to seperate themselves from pack, TBLLT craftily chose one influence to rely hard on, and its as obvious as B-rate mystery flick: The Beach Boys. The hand of god, also known as Brian Wilson's hand, has guided the pen for TBLLT. "Fur Soft As Fur", a song about coming to grips with adulthood, rides a "California Girls" bassline and banjo lick. It's not so much mimicked as it's completely lifted. And what seperates them from say... Wilson-worshippers like Ireland's The Thrills, is a very fine line. For many that line doesn't even exist, though I would argue there is darker, whimisically dark albeit (in a sort of Unicorns fashion), and less refined feel to TBLLT.

The Best Party Ever, in all its yellow cover of cartoon band animal glory, channels its vibrance though songs about fleeting adolescence and the awkwardness of growing up. "Be Gentle With Me", a phenomenal opener, follows young love, fresh with unfamiliarity. It floats with that familiar banjo and xylophone bouncing along, happy to be there yet confused with uncertainty. "Paper Cuts" is a continuation of the opening track, summery and synthy, but the broken hearted lyrics prick with tiny thorns. Ultimately the bud will become a rose if the narrator keeps mending those cut up fingers.

"I'm Glad I Hitched My Apple Wagon to Your Star" continues with the youthful optimism ("I took my hits on a dumb road trip to Nashville, Tennessee") resulting failure ("We never did get famous"), but figuring out that it was the trip that made it all worth it ("It made us kind of happy and kept me off drugs"). It's driven by a children TV show theme song style that hops like a bunny rabbit armed with a glockenspiel, full of exuberance. The paranoid loneliness of "Sleeping With A Gun Under My Pillow" draws on The Beatles while single "Hugging My Grudge" is Harry Nilsson reprising "Everybody's Talkin'". Both tracks serve as the perfect culmination of innocence lost, a youthful outlook soured into a weathered, cynical forfeit on love and life.

The Boy Least Likely To succeeds with The Best Party Ever in presenting a clear and poignant theme while still harnessing the melodicism and catchy tunes necessary to make your toe tap. Though admittedly, it might be tough to get non-twee heads to consider them special and worthy of singled out attention, is it so horrible to sound like Belle and Sebastian? And even more important, is it crime to mention their name every fucking chance I get? Short answer: no. Long answer: to be discussed when the next Camera Obscura album is released.

The Boy Least Likely To: http://www.theboyleastlikelyto.co.uk/

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Good Times. Bad Times.

I know Boss B. Brophy doesn't want me to talk about shows in this here blog but I had an awesome weekend of shows highlighted by these bands: The National, Menomena, Robbers on High Street, The Holdsteady, United States of Electronica and of course, the curtain call show for beloved SF band The Coachwhips.


Not pictured: Me wearing a Richard Nixon mask.

Yes, I can't find lick of info on a Coachwhips breakup but Saturday's show at the 12 Galaxies was advertised as the band's final show. As the noise garage gods blasted through a bakers dozen of cover tunes, a lone tear rolled down my cheek. Or that could have been sweat. Or maybe it was actually a tear from having to withstand a very smelly, hairy armpit (from a cute little asian girl) in my face for the majority of the set. I digress. Good times were had. Again, I don't know what the deal is, but rest assured head 'whip John Dwyer has about one million projects. And I'm sure he's gotta really good stew cookin' (see OCS).

In any case, check out Narnack Records for more Coachwhips info as well as the other mentioned bands, as they are all worthy of a listen and a gander. And to update the update, my review queue is racking up, stay tuned for namedropping of these acts: Maximo Park, The Russian Futurists, The White Stripes, Annie and The Boy Least Likely To.

Narnack Records: http://www.narnackrecords.com/
The National: http://www.americanmary.com/
Menomena: http://www.menomena.com/
Robbers on High Street: http://www.robbersonhighstreet.com/
The Holdsteady: http://www.theholdsteady.com/
United States of Electronica: http://www.usemusic.com

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Extended? Please. Animal Collective and Vashti Bunyan

Animal Collective/Vashti Bunyan - Prospect Hummer EP - Fat Cat

Despite the relative amount of pop on Animal Collective's ingenius album Sung Tongs, the duo can be quite off-setting. The group's foundation is in repetition and percussion but greatness lies in their ability to let their melodicism shine through that maddening jungle of rhythms and textures.

On the Prospect Hummer EP, Panda Bear and Avey Tare enlist the unique vocal stylings of English freak-folk matron Vashti Bunyan, who with the re-release of 1970's Just Another Diamond Day is slowing wiping the sleep from her eyes, asserting herself in the burgeoning movement lead by Devendra Banhart and Joanna Newsom after a hibernation of over 30 years. For many, including myself, this is the first exposure to Bunyan, and what better way than to let Bear and Tare ease us into it.

On the opening track, "It's You" they throw Vashti right into the thick of things, her Feist-like (sorry, had to mention the Feist) coo opens the track bare and naked. But quickly AC's ethereal jangling breaks in, conjuring up faint recollections of "Visiting Friends", "Mouth Wooed Her" and angels playing harps on sun soaked clouds. Yeah, that airy. While "I Remember Learning How to Dive" presents clicky and fun pop fare, short and efficient, "Baleen Sample" takes after some of the more grating instrumental areas of Sung Tongs, tolerable in some moods, completely unlistenable in others.

But it is in the title track "Prospect Hummer" that most resembles the familiar pop AC proudly displays on Sung Tongs and Panda's own Young Prayer. The song marches on a driving kick drum leading a choir of gutteral chants and lilting falsettos, with Bunyan's almost asexual voice on top. It sounds like a whole army of crazy characters. Like Emperor Qin's Terracotta Army of Xi'an, each soldier is distinct, but they all form into one collective voice. This chorus culminates in harmonic, campfire sing along of meaningless sounds, only meaningless because "Who cares? We're having fun!" (note: not actual lyric).

In grand scheme of things, though these four songs are much too small a sample size to judge, a future, more extensive, collaboration would be something to look forward to. Despite the fact that any person who has the slightest impatience or nervous tick waiting to be unleashed should be wary of being locked in a room with this on repeat, it is undeniable that the meeting of these two innovative artists is meant to be. Bunyan's voice belongs to Animal Collective's vast and weird universe as much as it belongs to her own earthly body.

Animal Collective: http://www.fat-cat.co.uk
http://www.paw-tracks.com

Vashti Bunyan: http://www.anotherday.co.uk

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Never Too Late... Okay, Maybe a Little Late

The Coachwhips: Time to get rowdy.

Fine, so I may have missed the boat slightly on informing you guys about the 9th Annual Mission Creek Music and Arts Festival which started June 5th, last Sunday. Dude, it was on the cover of the Guardian, duh? Besides you still have 'til this Sunday to take part in the... uh, festivities. I mean, it is festival right?


The Lovemakers: Good wholesome sex music.

You might (or might not) have missed the likes of The Lovemakers, Kelley Stoltz, Enorchestra, MC Taylor of the Court and Spark, Harold Ray Live in Concert, 20 Minute Loop and Jospehine Foster among others, but if you ask me, the best has yet to come. This weekend, scattered across bars and clubs around the city, some of your favorite local and nationally known acts take the stage. The Coachwhips, Robbers on High Street, The National, Citizens Here and Abroad, Gravy Train!!!!, Okay, comedian Brent Weinbach, Chris Streng of the Stratford Four, Hey Willpower, Menomena, Drunk Horse, Boyjazz and Elephone are all systems go. There are tons more I don't even know about, and non-show type stuff including a film by renowned video director Chris Cunningham.

Honestly, I looked at your schedule, you really have nothing else to do.

For schedule and descriptions, check it on "The World Wide Web"...
Mission Creek Festival: http://www.mcmf.org/

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One Good Turn Deserves Another

Oh yes.

Less than a week after singing the praises of Gorillaz' producer Danger Mouse, I received in the mail the fabulous DVD set of Dangermouse: The Complete Seasons 1 & 2. Though each episode struggles to make 10 minutes, there nary is a discouraging word that can be said about a crimefighting superspy mouse. I have nothing left to say other than "Booyah."

Now we can return to all that complaint rock review jazz.

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A Wedding? Cry Me Three Rivers!

Wife, Alligator, Husband

Renee Zellweger-devotee (God Bless Dave Chapelle: "Who the hell is Renee Zell-Wedgah?") Isaac Berniker once inquired "Who is this Jack White joker?" I laughed at his bizarrely unhip question, gathered myself and replied that he was the singer of the White Stripes. Ike shrugged. So I dug out an old issue of SPIN and presented to him a picture. "What?!??!?" Ike exclaimed in disgust. "This guy's a goblin!" Despite Ike's insistance that White was pale and freakish and that he had no business dating Zellweger, I chose to back up the bluesman with "he's attractive with talent." Ike still believed it was horseshit.


How cute! They even share the same haircut...

Almost two years later, ol' Jack is still proving me right. If you haven't been on pitchforkmedia or any other news source in the last couple of days. Jack White has wed model Karen Elson. The official website reports:

"Karen Elson and Jack White were married yesterday on the confluence of three rivers - Rio Negro, the Salimones, and the Amazon - in the Amazon basin in the city of Manaus, Brazil. They were married by a traditional Shaman priest on a canoe at the exact point where the three rivers meet... Meg White was the maid of honor. The ceremony was immediately followed by a blessing by a priest at a Catholic Cathedral called Igreja Matric in the historical city of Manaus. This was the first marriage for both newlyweds."

Uh, I guess that one with Meg doesn't count. Shit that's kind of a diss to Meg.

The White Stripes 5th full length album Get Behind Me Satan will be released tomorrow, 6/7/05 and there is sure to be a review, making it two Stripes posts in a short amount of time. Ugh. I'm totally looking forward to more fanboy taunts.

The White Stripes: http://www.whitestripes.com

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The Mouse with a Midas Touch or the Man with Four Brains?

Gorillaz
Demon Days (Virgin)

For a band who only exists in the animated universe, Gorillaz sure know how to appoint a spokesperson. Blur frontman Damon Albarn's pet project (with artwork and visual concept by Jamie C. Hewlett) over the last 5 years has garnered mix reviews and even more mixed results. Nonetheless, Albarn continues to be a stalwart figurehead for the group's rock-hop machine.

But is that it? Is it all Albarn or are there higher powers at work? On Gorillaz' sophomore release Demon Days, it's becoming more and more clear that Albarn might just be the pretty face (and oh my is it handsome). Like Zaphod Beeblebrox, he might just be a front for much more intricately precise geniuses to work their magic and hardworking artisans to get shit done. I'm talking about the guy in the fuzzy suit: Danger Mouse.

Following the amazing production of The Grey Album and Ghetto Pop Life (with partner Jemini), Danger Mouse replaces quasi-slumping producer Dan the Automator whose track record of awe-inspiring beats have been followed by mediocrity, disappointment and inaccountability. The glass slipper fits perfectly as Danger Mouse's production gives Albarn exactly what he's looking for: cartoonish style, sci-fi funk and extreme bounceability.

This is not to say that Albarn is sitting on his hands. It is quite clear it is his brainchild. Not only is he the idea man, but he lends his voice quite well to the gripping production. Afterall, Danger Mouse might execute with the sharpest of axes, but someone's gotta order the sentence. The (possible) Eno homage "O Green World", though seemingly mashed together somewhat haphazardly, is a perfect example of two collaborators working as one monster. Danger lays down the thump and funk while Albarn wails over a "Beetlebum"-esque guitar riff.

Please excuse me. How silly of me to start off with a confused track! It must be backwards day or something! What I failed to mention from the get-go is that Demon Days is layered and multi-functional, as much backpacking music as it is club ready. Among the dancier tracks, "Dare" has Happy Mondays' and Black Grape's Shaun Ryder leading a discotheque wave of bleeping synths and clicky percussion. "Dirty Harry" reprises a Gorillaz' fascination with Clint Eastwood, with 70s funk laced dub and fantastic mixing of the San Fernandez Youth Choir that leads into Danger Mouse's familiar whirling romantic symphonic strings, backing Bootie Brown frentic rhyme. "Feel Good Inc." manically switches from some serious sinister bounce to Spanish guitar-fueled latin rhythms. Despite a Posdunos-less De La Soul cameo, the track deserves to be an iPod promoter. And I mean that in most genuinely positive way.

Danger Mouse and Albarn also flex their down down-tempo muscle with the sweeping orchetral stylings of "El Manana" and the blip-pop of "Last Living Souls". But the trophy goes to who else? Metal Fingers. On "Novemeber Has Come", MF Doom lends his raspy baritone drawl to an array of handclaps, electro-keys and doo-wop backing vocals. Doom drops a couple vintage pun-filled verses on one of the chillest tracks of a generally ass-shaking record. It serves as the vanilla ice cream to a warm slice of apple pie.

There are some tracks that chug along sluggishly ("Kids With Guns" to name one) and some that miss the mark slightly. The use of the London Community Gospel Choir is at times inspired and at other times wasteful. And the campy spoken word of Dennis Hopper on "Fire Coming Out of the Monkey's Head" may be a little over-the-top. Though in its defense, it pairs extremely well with synth-bass heavy sci-fi soul, with a plinking electric piano so worthy of the Dr. Dre signature.

The record stands as an excellent mix of entertaining comic book texture, groove-worthy beats and complex production of futuristic guitar-independent rock and roll. So in the end, it doesn't matter whether its a Danger Mouse-fueled Albarn vehicle or the other way around. I'll just let those animated fuckers (roll call: Murdoc Nicalls, 2D, Noodles, Russel Hobbs) keep do their thing, while I contemplate the pyschological problems that might arise with obsessing over a band that doesn't really exist.

Gorillaz: http://www.gorillaz.com
http://fans.gorillaz.com

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I'll Cut You: Malkmus Vs. Cuomo

Stephen Malkmus
Face the Truth (Matador)


Weezer
Make Believe (Geffen)

In my eyes, there is a world of nerdcore fandom. There are two kings in a power struggle for the loyalty of their legions. Sure there are Dukes and Lords across the land who think they can hang with the best of them, but c'mon, who are they kidding? It's between two (again, in my eyes): Stephen Malkmus and Rivers Cuomo.

After typing this out, the matchup seems so wrong. Though both Malkmus and Cuomo are both from dweeb central, not only did their bands sound completely different, they took different paths. Weezer hit the jackpot with their debut, put out the transcendent cult classic sophomore album, hibernated for winter (like 4 years or forever, which ever seems longer) then came back and took back the kingdom they had left behind in their reclusiveness. Pavement stumbled upon greatness, didn't care, made some awesome records sorta, got tired of it and decided to stop cuz they were bored of it.

In the debut of segment I'll Cut You (another in the series of segment titles that don't make sense)... Stephen Malkmus' Face the Truth goes up against Weezer's Make Believe. With Jonathan Richman as special guest referee!!!

Round 1: Oh the Irony!
Is it not fantastic that our two fighters are entitled Face the Truth and Make Believe? Malkmus and The Jicks (Joanna Bolme, John Moen, Mike Clark) seem to do the opposite of their title, as they have created the most Pavement-sounding record of the three Malkmus solo outings. In the other corner, Make Believe is just asking for a stern dissing. Weezer is trying to con you for one more go at a failed relationship. Yes, we were in love in the beginning, but when I caught you necking with my best friend and relying on awful metal riffs on Maladroit, I knew it was over. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me. That's how it goes right? Round Recap: Cuomo stumbles on his own feet out of his corner. Malkmus shows off fancy old school moves, but facing in the wrong direction. He manages to connect accidentally in true Pavement style. Round to Malkmus.

Round 2: Ready to Rumble!
Finally the competition picks up. Malkmus comes out guns ablazing with "Pencil Rot", a devilishly synthy slacker rock number. He wails vintage Malkmus jibberish, while the keys blip and bleep dirty and haphazard with a flurry of tremendous fists of awesomeness. Cuomo counters with "Beverly Hills" the boxing equivalent of sticking an unprotected chin at arm's length. Cuomo's digs on the shallowest city is as misguided as his rapping. He's left so wide fucking open for the knock out. The song has everything you'd want to hate in song: a boring Joan Jett ripoff riff, aimless guitar noodling and again Cuomo's horrific rapping.

Malkmus brings more heaviness with some of the Sunset Nostalgia (the ultimate rock critic Pavement phrase, totally necessary for me to use), lulling opponents to sleep with "Freeze the Saints" and sending unconventional hooks right and left with quirky "Mama" and "Kindling for the Masters". He mixes masterfully with a dazzling array of old fashioned haymakers like "Post-Paint Boy" and "It Kills". There are a couple lapses of focus and missteps. "No More Shoes" is a noodling nightmare that reminded me of the worst parts of Pig Lib, while "Baby C'mon" is an uninspired boring ol' rock song (albeit with a coupla pretty tight ass guitar licks). C'mon Malkmus! You never once stuck to the game plan on Face the Truth, now is no time to start!

Fortunately for Malkmus, Cuomo has shaky knees after the first barrage. He throws up track after track, and his punches have no weight. What is this? A Cars rip off? No, wait, waaayyyyy worse, a Killers ripoff. As the songs blend together in mediocrity, Cuomo's already weak attack becomes vitually nonexistent, so much so that I don't care to name any more songs.

Round Recap: Malkmus KOs Cuomo to win round and match. End of blog.

Malkmus Triumphant! Weezer mires in the agony of defeat, a once great warrior now resigned to be a shadow of its former self.

Random notes: Fuck all you haters, yes, I like Stephen Malkmus (the eponymous debut) more than Pig Lib okay? It's poppy. Conventional, maybe. But let me remind you of the last time you wrote an album about rockets, pirates and Yul Brenner. Ahem, I thought so.

Stephen Malkmus is playing the Fillmore on 6/15/05 with Martha Wainwright. Weezer is playing the Warfield sometime, or its already happened. I don't even know, dude.

Stephen Malkmus: http://www.stephenmalkmus.com
Weezer: http://www.weezer.com

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