Dont Rook that Shit Motherfucker

So the thing that sucks about liking anything halfway cool is that eventually even dumbfucks figure it out and start jocking all your shit. like taco wagons. I've been living off that shit for years and now every fucking jackass with a fucking Jetta thinks it so cool to get a burritto. The fucking stupid fuck San Francisco Chronicle just had some cutesy-wootsy human-interest story on some dude who runs a taco wagon last week, and now this wek the local stupid fucking Republican mouthpiece daily ran their FUCKING LEAD FRONT PAGE STORY on taco wagons including the stunning revelation that they are actually safe. NO SHIT YOU FUCKING DUMBFUCKS what the fuck do you think this is fucking Calcutta? Point is, if you're a fucking new jack back up off my taco wagon before I break your shit off, Moreover, if you go to my shit at least have the common decency to not rook it. Those fucking Mexicans have to work hard enough without butchering their native tongue and patronizing them with your fucking "mucho gracias" and whatever clever spanish you learned from Saturday morning cartoons. This isn't fucking Mexico: those fuckers work there because they know how to speak English. They don't need you trying to be all super down with them and chopping it up in Spanish. They have to hang out with real Mexicans all day, they don't give a fuck if you know how to say fucking chicken in Spanish, they just want you to get your shit and leave them the fuck alone and while your at it give them back their fucking land they were here first anyway cocksuckers.

Fuck Recycling

Recycling aint even worth it. Its mostly just lies . They just throw that shit in the trash eventually . Plus, who fucking cares anyway. So what if my box of cereal is made of 20% recycled paper? There's a lot of shit wrong with this world that aint gonna get fixed by 20% less paper being consumed. Maybe if we hurry up and use everything up things will start getting better. Maybe fuckers will all die off and then the few pieces of shit left over can start some new shit without all the fucked up stupid shit that goes on right now.

So Basically if you recycle shit eat a cock

Sorry The Ramones Sucked Dick

Sorry to say it but the Ramones fucking sucked dick. Their music was like a teenager jerking off to the Sears catalog bra section with shampoo. I don't care how many of those fuckers die I will still always think that they suck. Sure they were influential to a lot of bands I like. Sure they were probably pretty nice guys. It sucks that they are pretty much all dead or whatever, but the fact of the matter is that their music ate the shit out of a dog's ass. People have been talking for like two weeks about how crunk the Ramones were like they were fucking Rachmaninoff: they were just a bunch of dudes who got lucky with some fashion shit, had a gimmick and worked some shit out so they could afford to do hella smack and wreck tang. Their music was stupid as fuck and long after all those fuckers are dead I will still not be convinced of otherwise. No offense to any of those dudes personally or anything. But if they were really as punk as everyone says they are then they are probably stoked that I'm calling their shit out and not jacking them off like every other stupid fucker going out and buying a bunch of Ramones CDs.

I Wish I Would've Learned How to Do Rich People Shit

The thing that sucks growing up kind of a poor bastard is that if you do mamage to weasel your way into more refined society, you stick out like a sore thumb because you don't know how to shit that rich motherfuckers do. Like today I had to meet this Interior Designer woman at her house to get some quotes for a stupid gay story I have to write on Fall Interiors. Anyway, she's cool as fuck, even a little bit of subtle Mrs. Robinson kind of shit going down, and she offers me tea. So I accept. And she brings out this whole tea set for me with the cup of tea already poured, and a spoon, which I don't really know what to do with being that I told her I didn't take anything with my tea, and then this little bowl with nothing in it. And now I'm kind of freaked out because there's this bowl in front of me that I'm obviously supposed to do something with but I have no idea what. So I play it cool and just talk to her for a while, acting like I'm letting some shit cool down, hoping that maybe she'll tip me off as to what this bowl is supposed to be for. Finally I get an idea: maybe I'm supposed to take the bag out of the tea and put it in the little bowl. I mean I always like to leave that fucker in there, for the next round, or if there's two people, use one for two, know what I'm saying? But I figure if I wait any longer I risk looking like a piece of shit. So I jsut take the plunge and throw that fucker in the bowl like I'd been doing it my whole life. She didn't say shit so maybe I was right. Maybe I was wrong. Fuck it.

Getting Drunk Is A Pretty Good Idea

It's weird how these days theres a certain stigma attached to getting really drunk, like somehow its something of a minitature failure in life, or that its a bad idea. Like when you teel people about getting really fucked up they look at you with a sort of parental pity, like you're really letting them down. I guess maybe I'm one of the few who sees getting fucked up as being a small step in winning the war on life. I'm not saying that alcoholism is good. becuase its not. But for regular old people, who work and do regular shit, getting fucking super trashed on a Friday night is one of the best ideas I can think of.

Old People are Fucking Stupid

Its crazy how old people, the people who have the least amount of time left, are the ones most worried about the stupidest fucking shit and are the ones who take the most time doing trivial, essentially needless shit. Some fucking lady in Costco, who I've never met before in my life, just now sat and talked to me for half an hour about some caves she went to one time. Then she got in line and spent half an hour talking to the photo guy, figuring out whether or not she wanted borders on her print, if she wanted her photos all on the same size and on and on and on. YOU'RE GOING TO BE FUCKING DEAD SOON BITCH. Why aren't you at home smoking a bongload of fucking weed, spending your savings on trips to Norway and hanging out with your grandkids, instead of talking to someone who DOESN'T WANT TO HEAR YOU IGNORANT OLD LADY BULLSHIT. Old people in other countries seem to attain a certain amount of zen platitude in their elder years, where they find meaning in the dullness the old age offers and do so with respect. People in this country just go to fucking Costco and buy 40 packs of Bagel Dogs and The Rockford Files on DVD, still trying to save a fucking dollar. The saddest part is, I know that when I'm an old fuck I'll be just as sad and worthless as these stupid fucks today are.

summing it up

fake ideas: lets go someplace good
billyvortex: i dont think there is a place like that
billyvortex: because everywhere you go there's people
billyvortex: people ruin everything
billyvortex: and plus everywhere you go is yourself
billyvortex: and thats the worst of all
billyvortex: if I could move away from myself that would be nice

Backlash Backlash

So maybe I'm the only one, but I'm fucking sick and tired of hearing about all this shit about FOX and Bush and whatnot. Things in this country suck ass. People in this country are for the most part stupid ass motherfuckers. Can we please move on? With all the movies - Outfoxed, Farenheit 9/11, Control Room, etc - the books -- Lies and The Lying Liars That Tell Them, Stupid White Men, etc - and daily spam from MoveOn.org I've been getting blown up with, I'm seriously at the point where I don't even care who fucking wins anymore. I almost hope in a sick way that Bush wins again; if nothing else all the aforementioned things have just made it obvious how morally bereft and just motherfucking stupid fuckers in the country really are. They deserve to get fucked; they deserve to get fucking blown up in fiery airplane crashes because they're more concerned about some fucking unborn piece of shit or their $300 tax refund than anything of any real importance. Fuck them.

The other thing is, all these liberal talking heads, though I agree with what they're saying by and large, are all so fucking lame. Just a bunch of fucking nerds. The other night I went to see Amy Goodman host of this syndicated liberal talk show, Democracy Now, and besides the fact that is was the same tepid, regurgitated information I see daily in all the other shit I read and watch, I was struck by how fucking banal most of the people involved were. It was like amateur hour; hippie bitches singing songs about stupid shit, motherfuckers with pony tails talking about some shit, just a bunch of stinky, trust-fund hippies who claim to care so much about the environment but then talk about how they have a house up in Butte Creek Canyon. I guess conservation is cool until you get to build your house in the fuckin pristine trout stream wilderness. And then this Amy Goodman woman gets up and starts talking about how you should buy her book. And not just one copy. She says buy fucking two. And you get the free DVD. I wonder what kind of points she gets off that book? I know tickets were $20 each. Fuck that.

I think my problem is, I'm a discompassionate liberal. I don't give a fuck about people at all. There's too many of them already. Liberals are always talking about helping people out and thats cool but altruism is a myth: few things are more self-centered than charity. I'll gladly pay taxes to help out people less fortunate than me but I just don't want to have to deal with them, or hang out with them or fucking listen to them bitch. It's like hush money. I'll pay for your section 8 housing,if you promise to not bug me while I'm walking down the street, or steal my stereo. I realize that some people are helpless pieces of shit. Thats cool. Whatever.

I guess I'm just tired of people trying to act all cool about believing in some shit. They can do what they want, I don't care, just don't expect any sort of medal or anything like that.

I Figured It Out

I figured out today that the siren's on firetrucks and ambulances and what not are really saying "Mom" but just like "mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooommmmmmmmm," like some little whiny fucker.

I mean it makes sense; people have an instinctual urge to pay attention to crying children, and it kind of makes you feel a certain amount of fear and loathing when you hear a child cry. But I just want to know who thought of that shit. Who was the guy that thought lets makes the thing on the top of the firetruck say "Mom?" or if maybe even they didn't even mean to do it, they just made a sound that they thought people would pay attention to and be all worried about and it just ended up being the same shit as a little baby.

Further Proof That I'm All Growed Up

I was shopping with my mom today and when she was done I totally just left a game of Galaga that I had been playing with TWO FUCKING LIVES LEFT.

Now while that might not seem like big deal to you, I now know that I'm a real member of the grown up world where things like saving the universe from aliens that seem to be giant robot insects are no longer quite as important as they once were.

But there is something strangely sad about leaving a game going with no one there to play it. I seem to have a weird sympathy for inanimate objects. Sometimes I wear a shirt because I feel bad for it having not been worn for awhile. Which is kind of fucked up because I have no sympathy for people really. Like even people in third world countries starving to death or bums and mentally handicapped people on the street don't even stir the faintest wisp of emotion in me. But show me a good pair of shoes relegated to the corner of a closet, and I'm damn near teary eyed.

So I don't know. Maybe I'm not grown up. Or maybe I just grew up to be a twisted fucker. YOU MAKE THE CALL