Monday, August 30, 2004

Metallica are Still Kind of on Some Shit

Went and saw the new documentary about Metallica last night, and it just reminded me that even though they are all wusses now and super emo 45 year old soccer dads, old Metallica is some of the best shit ever. And by old I don't mean any of this "Enter Sandman" shit I mean like Ride the Fucking Lighting and Master of Puppets. That shit is on some serious meth metal Viking alcoholocaust shit. It reminds me of playing fucking football in high school and having long hair. It wasn't even the eighties and we still had "Fight Fire with Fire" as the song we ran out onto the field to. People in Willows loved that shit.

Thursday, August 26, 2004

People Are For The Most Part Still Worthless Fucks

I work in a moderately upscale office building. Along with my pansy-ass magazine, there is a real estate development company, and internet service provider and a couple dumb fuck old men artists or whatever. But on the whole, everyone who works in the building are seemingly decent, civilized grown ups. Thats why its so shocking that every time, EVERY TIME, I walk into the communal bathroom, there is a giant load of shit sitting in the toilet. It may seem hard to believe, but I swear to you, I can count on one hand the times, in the last year, that I've walked into that fucker and there hasn't been someone's old dump floating around. Now the toilet isn't broken or anything, I myself frequently take shits in it, which I make sure flush entirely into the depths of hell. So there are only two explanations for this phenomena: either there is someone working in this office with a paraphelic sexual perversion involving someone else seeing their feces, or else all the guys who work up here are just stupid fucks, pieces of shit and all around worthless fuckhead dubshits. How else can you take a fucking shit and not at least have the common decency to make sure it flushes. I guanrantee that that shit is not going down on the ladies side. Because even fucking Merle ass women still have the innate human common sense to make sure that their fucking waste doesn't just sit out; even fucking cats bury their shit. I could understand if I worked at a fucking elementary school ot some fucking retard clinic, but these are people who own and operate businesses, who drive cars that cost more than I make in a year. AND THEY STILL HAVEN"T LEARNED HOW TO FLUSH THEIR SHIT DOWN THE TOILET.

Wednesday, August 25, 2004

Why Life Sucks Dick and other historical anecdotes

The things about life that suck the most aren't the big-time calamaties or tragedies; those things actually kind of make shit interesting (CENSORED BY THE NATIONAL ASSOCIATION OF TASTEMAKERS). The things that really suck are all the stupid fucking small things. I know I've mentioned previously how the little gap between the toilet seat is situated just at the right angle to piss through onto your shit when you're taking a dump. That sucks. There are these trees outside of my house that have been cumming sap for the last 3 months at a porn star pace. My car looks like a fucking arboreal cum rag and the leaves stick to your shoes and than get tracked all up in your house. WACK. I tried to wash a pair of soccer shoes the other day in the same load as all my clothes, and the rubber I guess came off or melted or some shit, ruining 5 or 6 of my CHOICEST fucking shirts (hard won in the evermore challenging thrifting derby). That really sucked. My birds flew out the window which sucked on kind of a deeper level. I also am compiling a laundry list of body failings: deafness, blindness, fattness, forgetfulness, basically all around being a fucking piece of shit.

On the plus side however there is alcohol. Which is like the Duct tape of life: a temporary solution to almost any problem!

Hooray for those ancient fucking degenerates who invented alcohol. I don't know how they figured that shit out. Maybe they just ate some rotten fruit one day and felt some shit and put two and two together. That;s the thing with all these weird foods and medicines and drugs we have; who the fuck figured it all out? Like sushi, who was the sick bastard who had to try all the various ocean creatures raw to figure out which one worked? Or all those crazy jungle drugs and herbal remedies. How many fuckers had to die from eating all these roots and flowers and poisonous berries to figure out the 3 out of 1000 that cure gout or make you see tracers or whatever. Maybe I should google it. If you're an anthropology student who has the answers or just some nerdy fucker who read some shit fill me in.

Saturday, August 21, 2004

Life As a Celebrity Lookalike

Highlight of the week: at the Z-man show last night, DJ Marz looking out into the audience, seeing me, and saying with both excitement and sincerity "Brian Brophy in the House." Brian Brophy is of course, Publisher of MESH magazine, the wrangler of this fine Web site you are presently viewing and king of Frisco spocks. Unfortunately I'm not Brian Brophy. Yet. Judge for yourself:


Our Founder Brian Brophy


Me

Seperated at Birth?

Tuesday, August 17, 2004

KISS MY ASS

If you don't like Rachmaninoff's 3rd Piano Concerto you can kiss my fucking ass. If you give a shit about forest fires you can suck my dick. If you don't have a cell phone wake and smell the fucking coffee and get your shit together before you turn into an asshole.

Sunday, August 15, 2004

Dudes who love God and Hot Spock Bitches



Pedro The Lion, Tilly and The Wall & Western States
The Bean Scene
Monday, August 9th

The Bean Scene certainly lived up to the latter part of it’s name at last Monday’s Pedro the Lion show, bringing out both scene kids and scene adults in equal numbers to hear the pleasant monotone of David Bazan, aka Pedro the Lion.
However, punctuality was not rewarded, as those who showed up in time to catch the opening act, Western States, were greeted with unenthused and tepid brand of rock music. However, the atmosphere remained charged with a coffee and alcohol driven pleasantness that was a perfect setting for the next act, Tilly and the Wall. As the first band signed to fellow Nebraskan and contemporary indie rock heartthrob Conor Oberst’s new label Tilly and the Wall had the obligatory buzz preceeding them. And for good reason: eschewing a drummer for a tap dancer, and splitting vocal duties between two strong voiced women and one nasal guy, Tilly and the Wall wowed most if not all of those in attendance. Musically spare—with just tap shoes, acoustic guitar and a little keyboards—the band’s songs were almost Psalmic vocal celebrations with unison female vocals only occasionally breaking into harmony and an intrepid songcraft that was a refreshing change from the stale format followed by most of their indie rock brethren.
However, there is certainly still something to be said for consistency. In his nine years as Pedro the Lion, David Bazan has certainly been just that: consistently penning lyrically poignant and melodically concise songs, consistently putting out damn good albums like his latest, Achilles Heel, and consistently hitting the road to ply his vaguely theological brand of shoegaze rock to the masses. Pedro the Lion show’s are also studies in economy: tearing through song after song — mixing new cuts from Achilles Heel, with older crowd favorties like “Big Trucks” and “Bad Diary Days,”—the band would occasionally pause to field questions from the crowd, another Pedro tradition. The questions were, for the most part, what you would expect: “What does Pedro the Lion mean?” “Can I request a song?” But one older member of the crowd, obviously new to the world of semi-emo, actually asked Bazan “Could you smile a little more when you play?” drawing gasps from the crowd. Bazan, however, seemed neither rattled nor amused. “I try not to think about those kind of involuntary reactions,” he answered before ripping into another dozen songs about God, cheating on your wife, kids, and all the other horribly beautiful things in life. And though he wasn’t smiling, the catharsis Bazan seems to find in his often brutally honest, seemingly autobiographical songs was certainly palpable.
Though those looking for pearly whites may have been disappointed, fans of exceptionally decent indie rock, both tried and true guitar rock and whimsical, tap-dance Nebraska rock, were fulfilled.




Thursday, August 12, 2004

I'm getting healthy as fuck

Fuck all this other shit I'm going on the Okinawa Diet. Which will mean lots more of this shit:


Hopefully my brain doesn't rot away from all the mercury and all the other shit that fish have to deal with in their lives these days but fuck it.

Wednesday, August 11, 2004

Iced Coffee is Bullshit

Its fucxked up how they charge you more for iced coffee these days. And its not just like 5 cents. Seriously that shit is 70 cents more than hot coffee and for what? Because they put fucking frozen water in it? Last time I checked water was still free. 'Well they have to buy the ice machine you might say' but fuck that. The fact that you only get half as much coffee because they fill your shit half way up with ice should at the VERY least, make that shit the same price. It;s like the people who buy Dasani bottled water: that shit is LA TAP WATER MOTHERFUCKER. People will fall for any shit these days

Saturday, August 07, 2004

Hippie shit is more expensive than regular shit



Maybe I'm the only one who thinks it's funny that Hippie shit is more expensive than regular shit. I mean, the prototypical hippie is the dude with no job, not caring about material possesions and money and the like; living off the land or whatever can be aquired through barter or sharing. You would think hippie shit would be the simplest cheapest shit but it's not. I shop at the local communist market, for the organic shit and I'll tell you what, that shit is not for the unemployed. But that isn't even the worst of it. Ever try to go to a fucking hippie music concert. String Cheese Incident, Leftover Salmon, Phish or whatever? Try fucking $50 to start with, and most of the time it's part of some bullshit camping thing where it's more to the tune of a couple Benjamins. And then you see the dudes at the show, rocking the $400 North Face parka, and the REI backpack and the $500 glacier-rated sleeping bag and you wonder why the fuck he's driving that shitty VW buffalo. But then you realize that he probably has the Toyota Prius parked back in the garage of the house his parent's bought him in Santa Cruz on the beach and him and buddies can go out and play their bongos around the campfire and get "in touch with nature," while they smoke weed, probably grown by the same Mexican dude whose meth lab is permanently rendering a 10-mile area permanently barren and polluted, and play with their dogs who eat a healtheir diet than most third-world children. Not that I give a shit about third world children, but at least I don't pretend to be a fucking hippie.

Monday, August 02, 2004

Take it From Me

Never try to beat off right after you just rocked a burritto with all sorts of those jalapeno peppers that drip juice all over your hands...think of how that weird acid burn feels in your mouth and then imagine it on the inside of your penis (or corresponding female genital). Yeah. rock