Sick as Fuck Bro

Like everyone else in this godforsaken town, I'm currently suffering from the crazy AIDS, black death flu that's hit Chico at a seemingly pandemic level. Whatever happened to all those wonderful advances in medical technology that were supposed to be happening in this 21st Century? How come we can give some broad someone else's face after her first one got chewed off by her dog, but the flu, that ancient scourge of humanity is still beyond our capacity for prevention? How come the best we can come up with is the flu "vaccine" which, oh by the way, doesn't work against the strain currently waylaying every man, woman, child and beast in Butte, Glenn and Tehama Counties. Sure, there are "medicines" one can use sick with the flu. But there's a good reason you have to show your ID when purchasing these supposed medicines: they're basically nothing more than distilled meth, watered down and cut with a bunch of fancy sounding chemicals that don't do much except mask the symptoms of the illness. So instead of people taking a few days off of school and life to get over their flu, we have a bunch of people gagged out on legal meth pretending they're not sick and in the meantime coughing and sneezing and leaving their vile disgusting germs on every door handle and countertop they come in contact with, thus allowing even the relatively few people who practice the time-tested preventative measures--hand washing, not fucking touching their eyes and mouth every 5 seconds--little chance of escaping catching this dread disease. My favorite part is people who think they're being all polite by coughing or sneezing into their hands, then immediately start touching every thing in site. Especially when the "thing" they're touching is a sandwich that will soon be going into your mouth. Fuckers.

I guess it wouldn't really make any difference, if they actually had any sort of real flu prevention or treatment medicine. It's not like I'd be able to afford it any way. And I actually have health insurance, unlike the majority of people I know. My health insurance is awesome if I get fatal brain cancer or if I get hit by a car and break every bone in my body. But other than that it's pretty much a waste of time. If you haven't got around to watching Michael Moore's movie about the sorry state of American health care, Sicko, drop whatever you're doing and rent that shit right now. Actually, you probably don't even have to. Anyone who's lived in America for longer than two weeks is probably well aware of how bad our health care system has become. Like I said, I actually have insurance, but still the best I can usually get when I do get sick is one of the pseudo doctors at Immediate Care, who just throw as many drugs as possible at any sort of sickness in the hope that one of them will work, usually antibiotics, pain pills and the above-mentioned legal speed. And I don't blame them. Medicine is hard. That's why it shouldn't be turned into a fucking fast-food restaurant. But what do I know?! Americans don't care about their bodies. They take better care of their cars. How is it that not having car insurance is against the law, but not having health insurance is the norm? How is it that we have the second worst infant mortality rate in the developed world--slightly ahead of Latvia but trailing such technological titans as Hungary, Malta, Poland and Slovakia--yet also have the highest percentage of automobile ownership in the world. Sicko blames our health care ills on the System, which certainly should assume some part of the responsibility. But the system is nothing more than a creation of the people operating within it, so I say, all of us sick, fat, unhealthy, dying Americans really have no one to blame but ourselves and our backwards priorities. Which begs the question: what are we gonna do about it?

The Answer?? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!!111 Pass me the Nyquil! Let's go wash and wax my jacked-up truck! But let's hurry, American Idol is on in 20!!!!onehundredeleven!!