Fuck You

I'd really like to extend a sincere thanks to the person or persons responsible for sneaking onto my back porch last night, while I was home, cutting the lock off of my radical road bike and stealing it. No really, thanks. I had almost forgot that Chico is a town half full of degenerate scum fucks, or, depending on how you look at it, half-empty of decent, literate, at least somewhat ethical people. Just the other day, I was lambasting a colleague of mine for moving from Chico to Yuba City, wondering how any one could ever leave some a picturesque, tree-lined burgh such as Chico for a forlorn, rusted outpost like Yuba City, but now I see! At least the people in Yuba City know that they live in a dump of a town. In Chico, you sometimes are able to fool yourself into thinking that you're somehow spared the desperate idiocy present in most of America, that somehow you've found the island of hope in an ocean of degraded unscrupulousness. Then some kind samaritan steals your bike and it hits you like a diamond bullet: people in Chico huff as much dong as their counterparts throughout the greater Northern California area. REALLY!

And I got off easy. I mean, sure it was a rad bike, but a bike is a bike. I'm too fat to ride a road bike anyway. But two of my nearest and dearest friends suffered break-in burglaries last week as well, in which the thieves made off with computers, televisions, cameras, cash, basically anything that can easily be sold on Craigslist for enough money to buy a few eight-balls of meth or a pound of weed or whatever other stupid shit people who rob houses want so bad that they resort to breaking into people's houses. I mean, it'd be one thing if the people who broke into houses and stole shit actually kept the shit they stole. I mean, it'd still be fucked up, but if someone broke into my house and stole my camera in order to pursue their dream of becoming a world-renowned photojournalist then there would at least be some continuity to the thing. There'd be some rationale. But as it is, the entire thing is just anarchy and not the peachy utopian kind that they talk about at punk shows, but the ugly kind that makes capitalist greed look pretty damn good by comparison.
Of course any good anarchist would probably say that the root cause of peoples stealing shit is the capitalist system, in that it creates a not just a culture or "haves" and "have-nots" but that it also compels those in the "have not" category to strive, above all else, to "have" by whatever means necessary. They would say that the real problem is not that one person is stealing another person's private property, but that the concept of private property itself not only exists, but has become to paramount motivator in the lives of most people in the world. While I'm nowhere near smart enough to formulate any sort of rebuttal to that argument I will say this. Even though I might "have" some shit, I definitely don't have much. And what I do have I'd like to keep. If you want to rob someone, rob the government, they have a few dollars to spare. Go steal from Wal-Mart. But don't steal my fucking bike.

At least now I can work more hours to buy some shit I already bought. Wait, that's not much of a bright side. Ummm...at least now I can wake up an hour earlier to walk what would be a 15 minute bike ride to work. Fuck! How about: at least I can just go ahead and drive to work everyday, furthering global warming and helping to usher in the global cataclysm that will finally break the capitalist stranglehold on the western world and allow a new age of shared prosperity to dawn in it's place. 2012 here we come! If you don't know what the fuck I'm talking about, you need to read yourself some Daniel Pinchbeck. On the double. You've only got four more years*.