Mike Krukow's Homoerotic Color Commentary
I love me some San Francisco Giants. I love the ballpark, but when I can't make it out there, I watch most of the Giants games on TV. Due to some system I can't understand, most games feature Duane Kuiper on play-by-play, but some feature Jon Miller. Both are great announcers. They are joined by former Giant pitcher Mike Krukow, who adds color commentary and is also very good, if a little goofy. I like the Giants announcers, but my roommate makes fun of them all the time, but she's an A's fan, so she's just naturally bitter.
One thing I can agree with her on is the homoerotic nature of Krukow's commentary. And it's only getting more ridiculous as time goes by. One of his favorite comments is "grab some pine meat." I have no idea what this could possibly mean in baseball terms, but hey, it's only one phrase. This year he's added, "boy, he really nutted that one!" And yesterday when Ray "From Across the Bay" Durham hit a ball a mile into right field, just foul, Krukow said about the pitcher, "Wow, he really put that one into his happy zone!" So Ray Durham grabbed some pine meat, got one in his happy zone and nutted it right into the crowd. I hope they brought towels.
I like Duane Kuiper because he's got that thing going on with his voice where he sounds like a narcoleptic version of Boo Boo from the Yogi Bear show. He's really mellow until someone hits one out the park, and then he gets extremely loud so that the sound becomes distorted because the levels from his mic have peaked. That's kind of cool how he gets all maniacal occasionally.
Krukow on the other hand tries too hard and needs to do better research on what the kids are saying nowadays. "Nutted" and Happy Zone" are cringeworthy. And I thought that Dick Endberg took the trophy as the most homoerotic announcer with him always yelling "deep penetration!" when describing defense weaknesses.
Posted by Big Nurse | 12:39 PM
Krukow needs to take it easy on his hometown fans... Calling a guy a Pathetic Loser on live tv during a game because he missed catching a foul ball is a little too much. Why would Kruks try to estrange Giants' fans further than he already has with his own pathetic play as a Giant? This is because Krukow couldn't manage to be a descent .500 pitcher who couldn't do anything to help his team or a Giant fan enjoy a World Championship. Smooth sailing Kruks, you homoerotic butt pirate!
Posted by Anonymous | 10:13 AM
anonymous should get him or her facts straight. He never woud call anyone a "Pathetic Loser", he is a professional. Did you forget he won 20 games in 1986 and he also won a playoff game against ST louis. I really hate people who don't know what the hell there talking aboout.
Posted by TedWalls | 12:07 PM
Wow, "bitter" was certainly the right term to use, take it easy there guy, these are the best broadcasters in the buisiness your bad-mouthing behind the cozy anonymity of your keyboard. as far as Krukow goes, I never really stopped to think if I found his commentary to be "homoerotic", guess I'm just not a homoerotic type of person, I always likened his terminology to locker-room slang. -and it's HILLarious huh-huh!
Posted by AdRock925 | 3:42 PM
grab somepine meat: take a seat on the bench. (In the past the benches were made out of wood, hence "pine"
nutted that one: He really connected with that one: He hit the ball really hard
hit a ball a mile into right field: He hit it really far
his happy zone: Where his swing naturally takes the bat allowing for greater odds of the hitting the ball with maximum bat speep and power
here's a few more
Ugly Finder: Foul ball hit into the dugout and hitting a player, coach, camera man or any one else in the dugout.
Country Hardball: A fast ball with some really good movement or a fast ball that breaks a bat in half.
Meatrefers to a person who is usually an opponent or fan. Can be used to describe a player who just struck out on a pitch to the ground, a droped fly ball, etc.
They are actually pretty common phrases in athletics. But I guess you would have had to been an athlete at some level during any part of your life to understand these.
Go listen to an A's game and put yourself to sleep. You would think they were announcing a golf tournament.
Posted by Keith_A | 4:53 PM
BRAIN-DEAD HEAVER n. A pitcher without finesse, who simply throws the ball with all his might.
CEMENT MIXER n. A slider that spins but doesn't break.
HANGING BANGER n. A breaking ball that hangs over the middle of the strike zone.
OWNAGE n. Career dominance by a batter over a pitcher or vice versa; as in ownership. Known as severe ownage in extreme cases.
SEED n. A rapidly traveling ball, whether thrown or hit.
SHARK BITE n. An inside fastball that lands between the label and hitter's thumbs, causing the bat to break
STANK-EYE n. A menacing look, usually given by a batter to a pitcher after a brushback
YAHOO / YAHOOLIO n. A crude fan.
Enjoy watching the games on T.V. Meat
Posted by Keith_A | 5:06 PM
Douche BagA guy that states the obvious. A guy that wears khaki Dockers. A guy that lists definitions of homoerotic baseball terms on a blog.
Posted by Mesh | 10:29 PM